Lovely spam, wonderful spam!

(In case you don't get the reference, the title of this post comes from a Monty Python song.)

Email spam, that is.  I will be happy if Little Bug never ever learns that the word "spam" applies to anything else in the world.  'Cause even before I was vegetarian, I thought spam was nasty.

Anyway.

Sometimes, when I go to empty out the spam folder in my various email accounts, I actually open the messages.  You know, just for funsies.  And I can't help but wonder why con artists or scammers or whoever it is sending this crap out even bothers.  I mean, does anyone actually fall for this crap?

Like this one:

This is to inform you that your E-mail Address has WON you the sum of 1,000,000.00GPB (One Million Pound Sterling) from the Chevrolet Award Promo 2013.The Draw No:1593.make a contact and collect your winning fund immediately, Fill the Information below:

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Chevrolet Award Promo <302@ms2.kntech.com.tw>
Reply-To: chevrolet_clams2013@hotmail.com
1. Full Name: 2. Full Address: 3. Valid Phone Mobile Number: Contact Email: chevrolet_clams2013@hotmail.com Mr. Gore William Chevrolet Company Department, E-mail: chevrolet_clams2013@hotmail.com

Because yes, I'm going to believe I somehow won "one million pound sterling" from a contest I never entered.  A contest for which the contact email is a hotmail account.  Come on, you can do better than that.  No one uses hotmail these days.

Or this one:

Delivery Update

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Courier Company <per.lindahl@ias-intl.org>
Reply-To: sdcservice@yahoo.cn
Pending Delivery Alert! This is a reminder that Your packet is already on the transit point (Rome). It has been on hold awaiting pickup since December 28th,2012. You are expected to call or email us with a confirmation of the exact recipient address. Recipient Postal Details required are stated below; FULL NAME: ADDRESS : TELEPHONE NUMBER : From our database,it shows your package is coming in with a high priority delivery (highly classified package),so you should attend to this case promptly. You have to Confirm if you wish to come to ROME for pickup of your package or if you want us to deliver to you in your location. For more info, call us on: +39 328 879 6421, Note this is a highly valuable delivery and so, you must attend to all messages promptly. Looking forward to a prompt response from you. Sergio Marchionne. (Delivery Agent)

Because, obviously, I am such an up-and-comer in the world that I regularly receive mysterious courier packages delivered to me in foreign countries I have never even visited before.  Calling this foreign telephone number sounds like a fabulous idea!  What could go wrong?

Some of the other things in my junk mail folder just confuse me.  Like this one:

This Stock Is Trading UP

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Arabella Brooks <olafart@b-g-s.com>
To: holly.scudero@gmail.com
The next Winner!!! Breakout on the horizon! Trading Date: Mar, 4 Name: Gold & GemStone Mining, Inc Sym: G G_S_M Last Trade: $.017 Long Term Target: 0.30 It is heating up before the close, could be explosive!!! The Alarm is still sounding!

I've received four separate emails within the last few days containing basically this same information.  I don't trade stock.  If I did, I wouldn't act on mysterious tips that come from bizarre email addresses.  And why did they capitalize the words "winner" and "alarm?"  Don't these people know that I am not a fan of capitalizing random words for no reason?  And that comma after "close" should really be a semicolon.  Even if I were inclined to buy your stock, the lack of proper English language usage would cause me to turn away.

And what about this one?

Hello Dear

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Faridah Mohamad <faridmamod@suomi24.fi>
-- Hi Dear My name is Miss Faridah I saw your profile today on the Internet friendship site and decided to write to you to know if we can become friends. I hope to hear from you soon so that I can send you more details about myself including my photo. you can write me here (faridmamod@yahoo.com) Yours Sincerely Faridah --

All I can really say here is WTF?  (No, seriously, imagine me saying this as the acronym, not as the words it stands for.  Trying to clean up my language here; I do have a 13-month-old, after all.)  Well, Miss Faridah, I don't think I'm comfortable with you calling me "dear."  And I'm sure as hell heck not going to be sending you a picture of me.  Internet friendship site?  What does that even mean?  No.  No, we cannot become friends.  The end.