Many a middle-of-the-night nursing session has been spent lost in thought, composing blog posts in my head. But since getting out of bed after Little Bug is done in order to record those thoughts on the computer (or even plain old-fashioned paper) is completely out of the question, those posts remain in my head. And let me tell you, I can write sentences that sound amazing in my head sometimes, but if I don't write them down right away, they're lost forever. Oh, sure, I can try to re-create these wonderful compositions later on, but they never come out nearly as intelligent-sounding or funny or thoughtful or whatever the next day. So I give up, delete the document, and go on with my life.
Except sometimes those ideas continue to float around in my brain. The only way to banish them completely is to write them down, but since I can no longer do justice to those ideas... well, the idea for this post was born.
For your entertainment, I present a sprinkling of ideas, a smattering of topics and stories I have wanted to work into blog posts in the past, but that never made it out of my head and into written form.
There was that time when I wanted to write a series of open-ended letters, mostly to people who piss me off. Dear guys who wear sunglasses with white plastic frames: I am going to assume now that you are probably a douche-bag.
Dear owner of this car:
Just so you know, vehicular modifications are not an effective
method of compensating for deficiencies in other areas of your life.
Or that time when a good friend and I possibly kinda freaked out the other mamas at a baby playdate by using the topic of postpartum depression as a segueway into a discussion about placenta encapsulation. Although I think the (less diplomatic) phrase used was "And then I ate my placenta."
(I think this may have happened on more than one occasion, actually.)
There was the time I started a list of all of the Facebook status updates that I never used because they probably would have offended someone.
Or the time I started a list of all of the types of posts on Facebook that I don't read. (Example: If I have to click on a picture to read a long story, then no.)
Or the diatribe of why, when it comes to giving birth, I would probably be a nightmare hospital patient. A nightmare for the hospital, that is. Nope, barring valid medical reasons, any future babies I have will probably be birthed at home just like Little Bug.
Or there was the time I was talking with another mama at an indoor play place, and she commented that her toddler had an iPad, but followed that comment with a self-deprecating request not to judge her, and I said I don't judge anyone, since parenting is hard work. Except I did, I totally judged her in my head. Call me Judgy McJudgerson.
Maybe an account of trying to take a "sick day" with a toddler in the house. No extra sleep to be found there. Or ever.