Wednesday, February 20, 2013


This is a thing that I know: most of my best writing is done in my head, usually late at night, when I am in no position to grant the words any kind of permanence.

Many a middle-of-the-night nursing session has been spent lost in thought, composing blog posts in my head.  But since getting out of bed after Little Bug is done in order to record those thoughts on the computer (or even plain old-fashioned paper) is completely out of the question, those posts remain in my head.  And let me tell you, I can write sentences that sound amazing in my head sometimes, but if I don't write them down right away, they're lost forever.  Oh, sure, I can try to re-create these wonderful compositions later on, but they never come out nearly as intelligent-sounding or funny or thoughtful or whatever the next day.  So I give up, delete the document, and go on with my life.

Except sometimes those ideas continue to float around in my brain.  The only way to banish them completely is to write them down, but since I can no longer do justice to those ideas... well, the idea for this post was born.

For your entertainment, I present a sprinkling of ideas, a smattering of topics and stories I have wanted to work into blog posts in the past, but that never made it out of my head and into written form.

There was that time when I wanted to write a series of open-ended letters, mostly to people who piss me off.  Dear guys who wear sunglasses with white plastic frames: I am going to assume now that you are probably a douche-bag.

Dear owner of this car: 

Just so you know, vehicular modifications are not an effective 
method of compensating for deficiencies in other areas of your life.

Or that time when a good friend and I possibly kinda freaked out the other mamas at a baby playdate by using the topic of postpartum depression as a segueway into a discussion about placenta encapsulation.  Although I think the (less diplomatic) phrase used was "And then I ate my placenta."
(I think this may have happened on more than one occasion, actually.)

There was the time I started a list of all of the Facebook status updates that I never used because they probably would have offended someone.

Or the time I started a list of all of the types of posts on Facebook that I don't read.  (Example: If I have to click on a picture to read a long story, then no.)

Or the diatribe of why, when it comes to giving birth, I would probably be a nightmare hospital patient.  A nightmare for the hospital, that is.  Nope, barring valid medical reasons, any future babies I have will probably be birthed at home just like Little Bug.

Or there was the time I was talking with another mama at an indoor play place, and she commented that her toddler had an iPad, but followed that comment with a self-deprecating request not to judge her, and I said I don't judge anyone, since parenting is hard work.  Except I did, I totally judged her in my head.  Call me Judgy McJudgerson.

Maybe an account of trying to take a "sick day" with a toddler in the house.  No extra sleep to be found there.  Or ever.


  1. Well, I'm glad I can finally call you Judgy McJudgerson to your face. You have NO IDEA how stressful it's been keeping that one in.

  2. Also, I totally feel you about late-night unstable genius thoughts. I have found good ideas can slosh around for a while, but anything involving dialog or pithy phrases or fairy tales or . . . you know what? Never mind. It all gets lost. You should get your own little Black Notebook. It doesn't have to be black, but it should be the perfect size, and you should take it with you everywhere, and right in it bullet points of genius ideas, or singular genius sentences, or pages of a genius synopsis. I have one that I started in August 2009 and it's almost full. Sometimes I go for weeks without writing anything. And it's not full of stories, just full of IDEAS of stories and snappy one-liners and stuff. You should try it!

  3. Oh, the irritatingness of the thousands of witty and brilliant things I write in my head! The thing that makes great authors great, I think, is that they write them down! So we must get to that point ... Keeping a notebook by my bed is old-fashioned, I've tried taking notes in my phone but in truth when the inspiration is flowing you have to write the whole thing then, because even notes won't fully reproduce "the moment"! And it is true that most good writing happens late at night. The theory is that at night, we are less inhibited by the reality of everyday life - we can create, imagine, and be free!

    I hope the rule about white plastic frames doesn't apply to girls! Does it? Cause I have some :o

    I desperately want to hear an offensive Facebook update now ... TEXT ME if you must. I love offensive!

    I'm so glad you told ME about eating your placenta (nom nom) because I never heard of it, and then I got to eat MINE (nom nom nom) and now I show the bottle to people just to freak them out, because I think it's funny ...

    Let me tell you - I would not like to be the nurse telling you "Can you wait to push the doctor is almost here!" because she would probably die.

    Judgy! Hilarious. I know. I try not to judge but I still do, especially when people ask me not to, because then I'm like "So you KNOW you shouldn't but ..."

    Awww You are super super awesome and I love your posts so I am excited to see MORE (this is a subtle, yet not so subtle hint/request).

  4. I want you to try and freak me out with something you do ... so far all your ideas are so awesome I've just adopted them for myself. Or some of the really freaky ones we've started simultaneously, then one or the other of us cautiously mentions it only to hear radical praise from the other!!!!